How to Respond to Book Scammers

While Baking Brownies

I’m not a violent person, but sometimes I get so angry I could smack one of those automated scammers across its ugly, nonexistent face. Luckily, I was raised better than that, because today, after months of my inbox being flooded with fake offers, a human representing one of those outfits found my phone number and called me.

How many sleazy offers of bogus book publicity does an author have to endure?

Apparently, I reached my limit of listening to people who feed my website back to me in AI-generated pitches. These swindlers, wanting to make money by doing nothing, can relentlessly reach us via text, email, website forms, social media, and phone.

I was whipping up a batter for vegan brownies when the call came. That gave me time to lecture the guy (on speakerphone) about how sick we all are of these intrusions.

“You want to help an author?” I asked, stirring hemp and chia seeds with maple syrup, vanilla extract, and olive oil. “How about creating something real with a global mailing list and a platform that’s not populated by fake names.

“Well,” the caller said (in a smarmy voice that screamed “give me your money”), “we run a global book club, and we have a legitimate website.”

“I’d be delighted to participate in a book club if you paid me,” I said, although I love attending book discussions and happily do it for nothing.  

He blabbered about administration costs. Do I have “sucker” tattooed on my forehead? Printed on my website? I do not.

“I’ve participated in book clubs for decades,” I told him as I mixed oat flour with cocoa, baking powder, cinnamon, and salt, “and none ever charged a dime. The most required is an occasional platter of my homemade cookies.”

“Oh, you’re a baker?” he asked.

Not so fast, Charlie, I thought. I won’t be tricked into talking about baking even though it’s one of my favorite subjects. “I bake healthful, mostly vegan breads, cookies, and pastries, and I’m known for my beautiful vegetable platters.”

Before he had a chance to distract me further, I stirred chocolate chips into the batter and added, “The best way to help an author like me is to buy my culinary mystery. Print, eBook, or audiobook, whichever you prefer. Read or listen, and leave reviews on Bookshop.Org, Barnes&Noble, Amazon, Facebook, Instagram, BlueSky, Substack, Goodreads, Story Graph, and wherever else books are sold or discussed. Then, sign up for my website to get my monthly newsletter.”

He tried to interrupt, but I was on a roll. “All of that would be useful, and none of it involves a song and dance about a book club that probably doesn’t exist. Legitimate book groups choose their own books. They don’t hire a bunch of bozos to find authors based on a kind of ‘pay to play.’”

He tried to say that he had another call coming in as I poured the batter into a prepared pan and placed it in the preheated oven, but I doubted it. I should have asked why the book clubs that supposedly pay him to find authors don’t just Google: “authors of delightful book club books,” or  “authors of books that are fun to discuss.”

He hung up on me after I offered to speak to one of his book clubs without charging him a penny.

Unless you’ve already shoved off, dear author friends, I want to wrap up by begging you not to fall for cold call offers of help, no matter how fabulous they sound. Don’t engage with anyone who tries to sell you unnamed book clubs, vague global readers, or surefire ways to get more reviews.

Don’t pay for a 30-second book trailer (if you really want one, make it yourself) and delete every slickly worded pitch promising to find readers and reviews. They won’t help. Neither will most of the other social media tools promising thousands of readers itching to read our books.

If you haven’t been targeted yet, your clues will be unverified (probably nonexistent) readers and requests for payment before any service is performed.

My advice is to spend your money on legitimate classes and seminars, spend time improving your writing, and find a critique group that gives honest feedback. Keep submitting essays and stories, entering contests, and working on writing a fabulous manuscript.

As they say, “Cream rises to the top.”

PS: The brownies, in case you were wondering, came out perfect, as always.